You know about Fuck-Me Land, don’t you? Come on, everyone has been to Fuck-Me Land at least once. I have a lifetime membership to Fuck-Me Land. That’s right, anytime I want to go, I get treated like royalty. I get front row parking, the red carpet rolled out and am ushered in without waiting in any line. When I walk through the gates of Fuck-Me Land, the fanfare blares so loudly that you have to cover your ears. It’s that type of music that makes you take notice, but you’re just not sure if you like the sound or not.
Okay, now that I have you wondering, ‘Have I been to Fuck-Me Land? Maybe I have.’
If you can answer ‘yes’ to these questions, then you have definitely bought at least one ticket to Fuck-Me Land.
1. Have you ever obsessed with what anyone else thinks of you?
2. Have you ever engaged in negative self-talk?
3. Have you ever said something that you thought you shouldn’t have said?
4. Have you ever thought that someone wasn’t being completely honest
with you?
5. Have you ever made a choice and then questioned if the choice you made was the right one?
The road that leads directly to Fuck-Me Land is driven by your thoughts that take you out of the safety of the present moment and thrusts you into the mistakes of the past or into the fearful future - two places that are mere illusions, for the past has come and gone and the future has yet to arrive.
All right, so let’s take a tour of Fuck-Me Land. I will be your tour guide as I’ve told you that I have my lifetime membership and actually have been awarded the key to Fuck-Me Land for being a frequent visitor. There are many keys awarded to Fuck-Me Land, so you too may have a key and are just not aware of it…yet.
All the rides in Fuck-Me Land are very tempting. Heck, we know they are or we wouldn’t be here, right? As we make our way down the main midway, you’ll notice red flags everywhere - lining the path, on the rides, and even in the restaurants. There are exactly 666 red flags in this park. A sure and blatant sign to leave the Park immediately, but we think, those flags aren’t for us, they are for someone else, I’ll keep going.
Your eyes, once distracted by the flags, now focus again on the path in front of you. What’s that on the ground? Is this for real? Egg shells here and there, of course. You’ve got to be careful, because now that you’ve identified you’re walking on egg shells, you don’t want to make a wrong move. But wait, that’s silly…after all, we are in Fuck-Me Land. There really isn’t one bad move, the whole Park is One Bad Move.
There it is in front of us, our first ride, so big and shiny with a plethora of flags at its entrance way and lining the full track. We are definitely going on this ride. It’s the Rambling, Run-Away, Rocky Mind Roller Coaster.
Come on, ride it with me! Remember, lifetime membership, no lines, no waiting for us. How can you pass it up? This ride is amazing! Strapped in, we go up the first hill so slowly, enjoying every moment. Look how high we are. Doesn’t everything look so small and so insignificant from up here? Wow, what a sight. We can see the whole park and then some. Oh, life is so good. I could stay up here all ….whoa, here we go down, down, down at lightning speed. That only lasted a second up there where all was beautiful. Now we are barreling at a great speed downward, white knuckled and holding on ever so tightly not to get ripped out of our seat and thrown off the track.
What’s this all about? Oh good, a straight-away for a second, and here it comes…that damn sharp curve that whips our necks to the right. Okay, once we’ve recognized that pain, here comes another sharp curve whipping our necks to the left. What the fuck? I guess it’s all about balance, isn’t it?
A couple more sharp turns, followed by one more gradual climb leading to the final spiraling plummet, and the ride comes to a sudden braking halt, bringing us back to the beginning. Phew, we can finally regain our breath!
Exiting the car, we feel drained - heart pounding, neck hurting, and head throbbing. We walk out through the ride’s exit, and the sudden urge comes over us to vomit. Rather than trying to hold back, to fight it, we give in to this urge to purge. Now that this has become part of our reality, we notice the purging stations strategically located throughout the park marked with no other than red flags. Actually, we should be grateful for Fuck-Me Land’s insight. Whatever negative emotion or insane thought we have created needs to be purged from our systems. This occurs without much resistance at Fuck-Me Land.
Cleansed temporarily, we journey to our next ride. Yes, I agree, if we were cleansed fully of our negative emotions or insane thoughts we’d be looking for the Park’s exit, with the knowing never to return to such an insane place. Take it a step further. If we really knew the truth of us - that we are love and can only extend that love - Fuck-Me Land would not even be a thought. Therefore, it could not exist. But here we are, so we might as well gather all the lessons we have come here to learn and move forward.
There it is, our next ride – The Satanic Spinning Serpent, also known as the Tea Cup ride in much gentler amusement parks. This is another one of my favorites that I find myself on so often without even realizing it. It’s such a great ride. You sit in this round tea cup shaped booth that spins around on a track that moves in a larger circular motion without actually going anywhere. And if you don’t think that you are moving fast enough going nowhere, they have conveniently installed a wheel in the center of your very own cart that you can turn to make it appear as if you are going faster and still going nowhere.
How many times have we taken a problem and just spun it in our heads over and over and over again only to be unable to find a solution? Round and round and round in circles we go. Once this thought is in our heads, we then have the tendency to fixate on it and attract other thoughts that support the first thought, creating the illusion that we are spinning at a faster rate. Now we have all of these negative, insane thoughts spinning out of control and where have we gone? We’ve just ridden on the Satanic Spinning Serpent ride in Fuck-Me Land. I don’t know about you, but I feel like the life has been sucked out of me by that serpent. I’m dizzy and off-balance, unable to focus. I know though, from riding this ride all too often, that my balance and focus will return in time. I just have to relax in the moment and accept my present state.
Once again, after these two rides, one would think, ‘I doubt the rides are going to get any better. It’s better to leave this Fuck-Me Land NOW!’ Right? Wrong! Remember, you are in Fuck-Me Land, so once you are inside, it’s very difficult to see clearly and logically. That is the main reason it’s called Fuck-Me Land.
So we venture further, noticing that others in Fuck-Me Land are having the same ill effects as we are. Wow, you should check out that couple that just came off the Rambling Run-Away Mind. We definitely fared better than they did. Good thing she has him to hold her hair back while taking advantage of the purging station. It is always nicer to share Fuck-Me Land with others rather than going it alone, isn’t it?
Well, here we are…The Slippery Slope Slide. At the gentler amusement parks this ride is known as the Giant Slide with three colorful bands of slides and smiling faces sliding down at high speeds. The only similarity of these two is the word “slide.” In Fuck-Me Land, there are no smiles and no colorful bands of slides. These slides are black and blue, because you beat yourself up going down them at a fast pace. You walk up the stairs, step by step, knowing all-too-well that at the end of this ride you end up where you started.
Are you seeing a pattern here? There is NO progress in Fuck-Me Land. You always end up where you started. The only progress is that from the repetition of riding these rides, you learn that they no longer serve you and consciously decide not to come to Fuck-Me Land any more. But for now, you are still here and about to go down that Slippery Slope.
At the top, you are handed what you think is your burlap bag to ride down the slide. You take your seat on the bag only to realize it isn’t burlap, but a fiberglass insulation bag instead. You are already on your way down the slide and there is no stopping as you scream in pain from the fiberglass shards digging into your skin.
How did you not hear the painful screams going down the slide as you were climbing up the stairs? How did you not see all these painful faces getting off the slide? Was it because we were so into our own insane drama that we were unaware of our surroundings? Once again, all the signs were there to guide us away from this ride; away from Fuck-Me Land. However, we decided to ignore all the signs, no matter how large or how many, and to go ahead on our insane journey.
As the redness and the itchiness from the fiberglass dissipate, we make our way to The Haunted, Hellish Hole ride. We have learned from our last ride to look at the faces of those who are exiting. Their faces are calm, joyful, and peaceful. Okay, we think. Let’s go in!
Wow, I can barely see in here. It’s dark and the further in we go, the darker it becomes. I can’t even see the light from the entrance any more. Oh, this doesn’t feel good. There is a great amount of fear around this ride. Wait, I can hear something. It’s faint right now, but I can hear where it’s coming from. I’m going to follow the sound. It’s getting louder, much louder…
Random words, random negative words – Moron; Unworthy; I hate you; You’re no good; Useless; You’re nothing special; Stupid; Ugly; Fat; Skinny; Not good enough; Look what you did; Lazy; Worthless; Failure; Good for nothing.
These words, on some kind of twisted loop, keep repeating. These negative words, still repeating, now form a round. These negative words, repeating and being performed in a round, get louder and louder. The further in I go, the louder they become. I can’t cover my ears, because I need to feel my way through, hoping to be at the end of this Hellish Hole soon. I can’t take it anymore, but I don’t know how to get out of here. I stop. I take a deep breath and get into the moment. I accept where I am. I ask for help from within. A soft voice from inside says, “Look ahead and see that dim light. Walk toward it. Don’t look back. Walk toward the light.” I do as I’m told. As I walk toward that light, it becomes brighter and the negative words become fainter. The closer I get, the light begins to take form. Standing in front of it, it reads EXIT. The negative words have stopped. I exit.
So relieved to have found my way out, my face shows a calmness and a peacefulness about it. And then it hits me. The faces seen coming out of the ride when we were entering, were calm, joyful, and peaceful. Not because they had enjoyed the ride, but because they had escaped its insanity. I was now one of them.
And with that, I got the full lesson of Fuck-Me Land for today’s visit. Sometimes you need to go to Fuck-Me Land to remember just how good life is outside of Fuck-Me Land. There are people that can visit Fuck-Me Land once and understand the value of it never to return. There are others, like myself, that find themselves in Fuck-Me Land often. But with every venture, a little bit more is gained, a little bit more is remembered. And perhaps through my learning and my frequent trips to Fuck-Me Land, I can teach others about its rides and its lessons, saving them time, headaches, and the unpleasant act of vomiting.
Exiting through Fuck-Me Land’s gates, I look back at its magnificent red flags; its bells, whistles and fanfare that lured me in; the many park-goers who joined me on the journey, and I give thanks. I am grateful for the many lessons I have learned in Fuck-Me Land. For each time I forget the truth of me - the love that I am and the love that I extend - I am brought back to Fuck-Me Land to be reminded of this truth.
With Fuck-Me Land in my rearview mirror, I think about my Park adventures of the day. Driving to the main road, I see carloads of people coming into Fuck-Me Land. I wave and smile, finding comfort in knowing that my path is shared with my brothers and sisters. They too have come to learn and remember.
Back on the straight strip of the highway of life, Fuck-Me Land is no longer visible and has become a fading memory. Up ahead I see a large billboard, “Holy Land, Exit 10 miles ahead.” Maybe I’ll go check that one out next.
*The term “Fuck-Me Land” was coined and copyrighted by my dear friend, Pamela Sweda, who works diligently to keep me from going back. This is a big task as I still make trips there, even knowing what I have learned.
© 2009 Copyright - Ursula Daiber – www.Steps2Inspire.com
